From Lil' Russia, With Love

The Deathly Hallows or WTF is wrong with me!?

2007-07-25T03:28:00.000-04:00

As i write this it is 3:16 in the morning. I got home at an almost decent hour, 12:30-ish, and managed to stay up because of a book. I neglected to read what i was told I should and read what has become not just a personal, not just a national but a world wide obsession. Harry Potter. The last book. The final book.Note: I managed to read the whole book, all the words, all the pages, in two

Changes, 24, all that

2007-06-21T12:46:00.000-04:00

So I'm bugging out. Everything is freaking me out. What else is new? New ApartmentNew Job - soon I hopeA new semester at schoolStability? Please?Soon, soon I hope. I still have faith. I always will. In the meantime the days go by and the years tick away. I won't be stable, but I'll be there---ISBN: 1577315146I've been to the top of the pile, sank to the deepest depths, and seen every

Nomads Pt. 1

2007-05-24T10:18:00.001-04:00

Yesterday in a fit of wisdom I deleted his number. So when I get a phone call just now I don’t even know who it is. "Hey! I'm back."Sigh. Loser. UGH! I thought this was over. "How was your time out west?""Great… worked, drove through the desert...blah blah blah… My landlady kicked me out….""That sucks.""yeah…. Blah blah blah…. I was looking for a palce to stash my stuff while I go move…""

Let's talk about trains

2007-05-23T09:49:00.000-04:00

Living in Brooklyn there is only one way to get to work in the mornings, the MTA. Usually this is a pretty reliable mode of transportation. Lately my commute from Brighton to Columbus Circle has been taking about an hour. Not bad to go all the way across Brooklyn and more than halfway through Manhattan. Usually this is a great way to get to work and relax and even catch up on sleep.

My so-called existence

2007-05-22T13:09:00.000-04:00

Everyone has a hero, mine is Darren Arronofsky, and some people - mainly me - have anti-heros. I discovered my anti-hero in high school. She is eerily like me in many ways and she is a cartoon character. Daria from MTV fame and I are one and the same person.As I get older I realize how true this still is. I find myself terribly uninterested in the world around me and I most often look down at

Severe Weather

2007-05-16T16:11:00.000-04:00

There's nothing like a thunderstorm approaching NY. Up on my floor we watched it roll in. Everyone gathered at the windows as the world turned black. Just as the birds were starting to circle and look for cover I went out for a smoke. The wind blowing all the garbage up and into the sky I relaxed for the first time all day. Nothing beats a good storm.

Questions and Doubt

2007-05-14T10:47:00.000-04:00

I've heard the expression "smooth sailing" many a time, but I've never lived it. It's always been chopppy waters that keepy me fighting to stay afloat. Learning how to navigate through the turbulance has become the very essence of my being.For the past few weeks I allowed myself to float for a little along while the waves carried me wherever they wanted to. Today I find myself in a newer

How many colors do you see?

2007-05-01T16:13:00.000-04:00

Last night Brooklyn was bathed in an array of pinks, golds and greens as the wind lazily stretched across the borough to muss my hair.

Knowledge, Pride and History

2007-04-24T12:00:00.000-04:00

I visit my family once a week, and that’s more than enough, I assure you. I get a good meal, pick up my mail, help them out with little things and catch up with them. For the past few weeks I’ve been asking them questions: “Who are our people? Where do we come from? What’s our history?”As I go through the stories, the family history, I always lamented that I will not know the same information

...you might not want to read this

2007-04-19T04:41:00.000-04:00

Looking back at all the memories - they were perfect. Not marred by unrequited feelings - because the words weren't spoken. And if you can't say it, if you don't say it, it's not true.It's all over now. That sweet innocence is gone for good. To lay blame on others would be easy; and I - a sucker for the easy way out - blame her. Fair? No. Tough.I miss the simple innocence of it all.

On being social

2007-04-16T15:39:00.000-04:00

You meet at a party. You find each other and find a million things to talk about. For hours you talk about all the things in the world and how much you have in common. The conversation doesn't just happen, it flows like water. It's a living breathing thing, it crests and falls and the vallies are quickly followed by peaks.But it was the environment that did it. Because as soon as you remove

Breathe in the air

2007-04-10T13:30:00.000-04:00

It’s spring time. Even if Mother Nature doesn’t seem to be so sure since it’s still COLD outside, the sun is shining and the birds are starting to sing. How do I know this? Well I’ve lost my appetite, the boys in the street are looking cuter, I'm listening to happier music and I’m even wearing colors. Welcome to mating season. This time of year you can just feel it in the air. Something is

Thank You IRS

2007-04-09T13:05:00.001-04:00

What do I do when I am depressed? What do I do when my usual source of merriment is now the source of unhappiness? I shop! Shopping, usually a depressing sort of thing when I start considering where I would be better off spending the money, like my debts and my diminishing savings. But when everything else seems to be going wrong spending like there is no tomorrow is the ultimate pick-me-up –

What happened to the truth?

2007-04-05T00:51:00.001-04:00

The funny thing about a lie is that you never know what kind of impact it will have. You can be minding your own business and then one little thing you said will come back and bite you in the ass. Sometimes it's one person's last lie on top of a huge mountain of lies that pushes someone else over the edge.I hate lies. I often say I'm really bad at lying so I never do it. But that's not wholly

Rebirth

2007-04-01T12:29:00.000-04:00

“They get in the way,” I say.“Hmm?” you say“Words.”“Oh”“We just stumble over them. They’ve lost their meaning along the way.”I’m lying. I don’t mean even half of it. But I don’t think I know how to say anything anymore. I’m out of words. Too much too fast, you know?But it’s going to be a beautiful day. I’ll take a walk in the park. I’ll feel the crunching dirt come back to life. Winter is

The problem of colors

2007-03-09T13:40:00.001-05:00

I’m frustrated. Not in that cute pouty way, not in the crazy scary way, just frustrated. I made something, something that made me happy, and I wanted to share it. I wanted to give it away. I wanted to give it to someone who would love it and take good care of it. But it came out of the printer in teal.I’m not a big fan of the color teal. It’s too high school, it’s too pretty, it’s not the

Life's Sweet Revenge

2007-02-11T21:02:00.001-05:00

Traveling through Europe I would not stop making fun of a dear friend of mine. In the six months I hadn't seen him he had sprouted a couple of grey hairs in his eyebrows. I was relentless and would not stop being a bother to him until I finally had him in a headlock and plucked them out. He was furious for he thought they brought him "character" and I couldn't have been more satisfied with my

Dumb Laws in The Big Apple

2007-02-09T14:34:00.000-05:00

Have you heard about this ridiculous law they want to pass in NYC? Basically some asshole has decided that people crossing the street should not be allowed to talk on their cell phones or listen to their ipods. RIDICULOUS! Who do these people think they are dealing with?Listen, I get it, when someone is driving it’s probably a bad idea to be holding a cell phone and talking. So there’s a law

And so it begins

2007-01-31T09:44:00.000-05:00

I like these thoughts first thing in the morning, it keeps the day from getting TOO cheery and at the same time keeps it from getting too depressing.I have incubus stuck in my head:Love hurts...But sometimes it´s a good hurtAnd it feels like I´m alive.Love sings,When it transcends the bad things.Have a heart and try me,´cause without love I won´t survive.yeah...but I'm ok;really this time, not

Winter or Something Like It

2007-01-17T16:26:00.000-05:00

With the cold setting in at last one can almost believe that winter has finally come. It took it's time arriving and now is unleashing it's anger by freezing random places that one might expect to be warm. Frozen citrus fruits anyone?For the rest of us there is the issue of health to deal with. After laughing at my friends repeatedly it seems my voice is about to give way and we can hear what

Defiance

2007-01-10T16:23:00.000-05:00

I was not content to stand aside today. I stepped out and stood amongst the masses. As I stood and shivered I lit my cigarette. And the shook their heads and waggled their fingers at me. And I gathered all my strength and spat. A million feet it fell and landed with a solid plop. And they sneered and looked away in disgust.

One Day at a Time

2007-01-03T17:41:00.000-05:00

In case you were wondering, this is what I do at work all day.[10:58] Meg: mornin[10:59] Me: hey[10:59] Me: im miserable[10:59] Meg: oy[11:13] Me: i just went out for a smoke w/o a jacket.... they said its gonna be 50 degrees today.... THEY LIED!!!!!!11:13 - 11:15 made plans for later in the week.[11:15] Me: oh sweet sweet sweetness![11:16] Meg: what happened?[11:16] Me: i got paid for christmas

post # 142 - coming to terms

2006-12-23T02:27:00.000-05:00

I realized that this was my 142nd post. And that scares me. Have i really commited to posting my life on the internet?If I have then I might as well be honest with the world, I'm 23 and am still very naive and very much a child. I still day dream about things as they could be and I still am not sure as to who I am.The thing is I'm not a very confident and mature human being. I got broken a

The Pursuit

2006-12-17T15:10:00.000-05:00

Human nature is absurd. It is well within us to be at once happy and miserable, to be confident and full of doubt, and it is in our nature to chase what we cannot have.There is an almost sick obsession with going for that what we cannot obtain. We become obsessed and enthralled with the object of our desires; some people lose sleep, and some write songs and some, like me, just become

Save me if you will

2006-12-05T16:39:00.000-05:00

There are other places I'd like to be right now. Right this moment! Places that are prettier even in the cold of winter. Places that make me feel more at home than here. But as of right now I am stuck. Like a creature trapped in the LeBrea Tar Pits. But unlike them, for me, there is hope.More to come when I feel like sharing. In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed for me!!!

My plans

2006-11-27T22:15:00.000-05:00

God how I hate the concept of getting my shit together. I suck at it. Really. So far in my life I've only been able to plan something and actually see it through once, and that is the whole apartment thing. I recently have embarked upon a few projects if you will. And at first I'm all gung ho about them and excited and then, as I actually have to start following through I manage to peter off

My Lover's Arms

2006-11-27T00:16:00.000-05:00

They will always keep me safe. They will always keep me warm. Protect me from harm and make me feel secure. My lover's arms will be all that I want and all that I need simple because I am able to conjure up anything I want. My lover's arms live and die in my mind's eye.My real lover's arms are but the many delicate folds of my sheets in the middle of the night wrapping tighter around me. In

some days you're the statue

2006-11-15T14:15:00.000-05:00

Nothing seems to be going so swimmingly this week. Perhaps its because i feel rung short of death, perhaps it's because I'm a hypochondriac. Who knows. But as I walked down 5th avenue and the empire state building was hiding beneath a dense fog that the whole world seems to be suffocating under I realized that eventually it's got to get better.The kids are lined up at Best Buy, waiting and

Be happy I'm not your co-worker

2006-11-10T15:26:00.000-05:00

I love the people at my office. Everyone is really cool and has a pretty good sense of humor. That being said one of my co-workers has been away for a while. And while he was gone his long neglected plant has died. I tried to bring it back, I really did, but it doesn't seem to be working.So instead of crying over this I decided to get him back a little.What do you think?

On Men

2006-10-31T13:28:00.000-05:00

The most frustrating creature upon the earth is most certainly found under Homo sapiens in the distinct variety of the male. He will agree to something then decide he doesn’t want to do it.He will make the female of the species furious and simply will not understand why.At work and at play the male is infuriating.I work with men. The office is pretty much all men. Out of about 25 people in the

Moving on, moving out

2006-10-30T09:58:00.000-05:00

New beginnings are always hard. You can’t help but take pieces of the past with you. I found myself throwing out a lot of the past, yet when I look around it is all right there with me in my cheburashka and my collection of beer bottle caps. The wounds from the past will always haunt you, the trick is to enjoy the new things.Bleaching cabinets, cooking in the new kitchen and doing my own

Crazy or stupid? It's a fine line!

2006-10-24T12:55:00.000-04:00

I always joke about going crazy. Yet, this morning in the elevator i heard voices.I figured, ok there's a radio or something, whatever, no big deal.In the lobby of my floor I still heard it, so I asked the secretary what is that noise? She said "I don’t hear anything.” I disregarded the fact that this woman is a million years old and started thinking about all the signs of schizophrenia.I got

On mornings

2006-10-08T11:25:00.000-04:00

There are mornings when you wake up and you know everything is alright. The sun is shining, the air is warm and sweet and the plans for the day are exciting and new.Then there are mornings you wake up and your clothes from last night are on the floor in a pile, the wristband from the club is still on your arm, your head is pounding and you're not sure how you got home last night.The second kind,

America, the land of contradictions

2006-09-01T09:15:00.000-04:00

There are a great many things about living in this country, so they say. The only one that comes to mind at the moment is the ease of traveling to other countries.The most despicable aspect of life in America: the manner in which we hold ourselves unaccountable and maintain an ignorance of all that is around us.The price of living in “the land of the free” is split between the soul and the ego.

scratch scratch scratch

2006-08-26T04:11:00.000-04:00

This is the season of the creepy crawlers. The walls of the house are brick giving the creatures ample foot holds. The bushes in front give them what must be the animal world version of government housing. And they’re everywhere. Watch that big guy crawl up to the third floor and relax on the window screen. His cousin probably found a way inside and is

Learning how to do things thought forgotten

2006-08-24T11:30:00.000-04:00

11 o’clock and my stomach is grumbling. I want food, lunch isn’t here yet. Time to go smoke. Damn pants have no pockets. I’ll print out something to read… what was the URL? Ok, got it. DingSwooshEven now I can’t smile. What’s with me?ClickSizzleInhaleSighThe cops are here with big old guns. Reminds me of Israel. Except, these guys have a dog. I wonder if they’ll evacuate the building.I

A day for something sweet

2006-08-11T16:16:00.000-04:00

I've had real sweet tea once in my life. I loved it. It's so amazingly refreshing and perfectly southern. At work this whole week 3 cans of Arizona Sweet tea have been teasing me. They don’t have a name on them, no one has touched them and every day I have felt a deeper and deeper urge to have one.Today, I hit the fridge again. This time with stealth and desire on my side I took one. Sweet

Time Machines and Floaters

2006-08-09T20:10:00.000-04:00

I want a time machine. There are people I want to, nay need to meet again. One of these people would get slapped by me and the other would slap me. There’s one thing they have in common, they’re both me. I’d slap the 13 year old me for being an annoying punk. I’d scream at her for not doing more with herself. She’d get an earful for feeling sorry for herself.The 17 year old would slap me.

Hello world! I've missed you!

2006-08-03T09:48:00.000-04:00

No, that was a lie. I've been too wrapped up to miss anything other than my mind and my health. Anyway, here's a story for you:I looked like an idiot on the train today.I'm reading "extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" and I'm a little more than halfway through; so you know the book is great and I REALLY recommend it to anyone who likes good and complex book with a lot of style.anyway back to why

It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine

2006-07-18T14:58:00.000-04:00

Have you seen a newspaper lately? War is ripping across the middle east, a tsunami killed at least 300 people, there's a heat wave and this is just the first page of the New York Times. Everything is a mess out there. Yet right now, I don't feel so bad. And I only feel a slight bit of guilt.Here's the thing, this is my last week at my current job. I have my laptop here today, I'm listening

In my shoes

2006-07-16T18:54:00.000-04:00

In my head I'm there again. I'm 8 years old and we're in Disney World. I have my mom on my left and my dad on my right, I'm screaming and scared and loving it. I scream as the boat careens down the water fall in the Pirates of the Carribean ride. I was always scared of the dark and this was my first ride at my first amusement park.When I think back, that moment was happy. But I can't ever

An ode to my job

2006-07-10T14:40:00.000-04:00

Cool things about my current job: 1. I get to play at a computer all day. This means I am checking blogs, e-mails and anything else while most people are actually doing work. Sweet! 2. I know excel better than you. Trust me, I do. 3. I get a ton of free food. Practically everyday we have free soda, or lunch, or chips or cake. It’s a great way to save money. 4. It’s an office

Click Me! I show you pictures!

2006-07-04T23:31:00.001-04:00

here are my pictures from Europe if you would like to see them. Enjoy. Feel free to leave comments.

Early morning and I cannot move

2006-06-30T08:17:00.000-04:00

I have his lighters on my windowsill.He keeps leaving them with me.They take up my space. And it’s the only part of him I feel I own.His addiction, and mine, something that is stronger than both of us.I woke up with the alarm clock and knew I wasn’t coming into work today. My stomach is doing summersaults in a morning dehydration dance.I cannot do it. I cannot force myself to go into work and

Baby it’s hot outside

2006-06-23T15:19:00.000-04:00

Standing outside and having a cigarette I came to realize that no one with a suitcase in tow behind them ever looks happy. The tourists who were enjoying their time in my big city were walking their luggage to Grand Central a mere 3 blocks from the office. Each one looked more disgruntled than the last. While in Brussels we stayed in a hotel in the middle of a working area near the train

Obsessions and Grand Solutions

2006-06-21T16:05:00.000-04:00

Also titled bored at work and feeling crazyAround here everyone gets caught up in things. You can’t throw a cigarette butt without hitting someone’s ipod, cell phone, car, manolo… whatever. It’s sickening. I’m sick of the obsession with shit. Today I declare war on the shit gatherers. I will gather their wallets.Confiscate their credit cards.Rob them of their precious spending sprees.Then I

Thoughts from overseas

2006-06-13T08:34:00.000-04:00

While traveling in Europe I was able to steal some time on Vadim's laptop. I also wrote a little in a note book and will eventually put that up but for know here is what was typed.On the train from Vienna to Brussels pt. 1Many thoughts of loneliness have been floating through my heart as I ride the rails and see the sights I used to dream of. When planning something like a grand adventure we

Vienna story

2006-06-02T20:09:00.000-04:00

I passed out today in the hostel. It was pretty early, lets say about 7pm. When I fell asleep the room had a bottle of wine and 2 packs of ciggarettes in it. As well as both Alex and Vadim. When I woke up all of the above was gone. Including the men.HUH!?I decided to throw on something I can walk around in and went downstairs. One problem, they took both keys. sigh So as I was trying to

Prague - some thoughts before breakfast

2006-05-29T02:58:00.000-04:00

Its easy to get caught up in this place. Its beautiful, its cheap for an american, its simple, it feels safe. Walking through the city hills and looking around there are parks everywhere. We got here in time for the weekend and have been walking and walking... through parks, over bridges, under the highwaz and railroad tracks, and living in a BEAUTIFUL apartment here far far from the old city.

Family

2006-05-24T09:51:00.000-04:00

There are people in our lives who matter more than sleep, rest, and getting to work on time the next day. For those people we would sacrifice because they would do the same, and as a wise man said last night, “That’s the definition of love.”There are a few people out there who fit into this category for me, and last night one of them made me prove it.A long time ago, about 6 years ago, before I

I Found My Morning Happy

2006-05-16T10:04:00.000-04:00

The weather has gone to shit. For two days it’s been rainy and nasty in the morning. I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to go to work and I sure as hell don’t want to sit on the train in the mornings.When I finally do get my ass up and out I find that I’m hungry at work. I used to never need breakfast but these days I just need a little extra something to get my pep up.Today I saw

It's a beautiful life

2006-05-15T08:49:00.000-04:00

Life too stressful? The world weighing you down? Here’s an idea!Pack your bags and go away.10 days to go.And the countdown is all that’s getting me through, here’s why: - My brother, just turned 6, hurled a book at my back. I have a huge painful black and blue. - My mother keeps telling me I’m crazy. - I failed statistics. I managed to get an 11 out of 100 on an exam. - I’m

Ya ustala i vse zayebali moyi mozgi.

2006-05-09T14:37:00.000-04:00

If you didn’t understand the title, don’t worry about it, you’ve heard it from me before. This entry should also be called “Eat My Sarcasm!”This past weekend was out of control and these days I am looking forward to my vacation more than ever. I need to get away, and thankfully I am doing so.Even though I’ve been at an incredibly high level of boredom I haven’t been able to come up with

Heels

2006-05-04T10:18:00.000-04:00

Everyday I see women walking around, strutting really, in heels. They look so confident. Sure that they can actually maneuver their long legs at those treacherous heights. I constantly find myself looking at them, checking out the cuteness of said shoe, and eventually I get around to thinking of investing in a pair.Today I am what one writer called “a clacker.” In other words as my heels hit

Organization

2006-05-03T10:00:00.000-04:00

Lately I haven’t had too much of a problem with keeping things in order. Well for the most part at least, let’s not count school or my closet in this scenario. At work everything is nicely put into labeled folders and my room is even relatively clean these days. Yet organizing a birthday party for not one but three people in total is a complete headache. Sure we have about a month to go but

highs and lows

2006-05-01T22:46:00.000-04:00

I sent out a text message reading:"If you aren't having fun in this life you're doing something wrong."The world couldn't touch me. It was a beautiful day and work was actually challenging and exciting. I put up my A-game and got the grade I deserved. It is always good when my boss is in town, he reminds me I'm worth more than $10 an hour the old one told me I barely deserved.I prepared for

Rose Colored Glasses

2006-04-28T13:32:00.000-04:00

Thursdays come and go for most people, but for me, they’re a mid-week highlight. Thursday is the day I’ll go to SpeakEasy and see some old friends and make some new ones, and get genuinely sloshed and make an ass out of myself. I like this tradition of inanity and don’t plan on doing one damn thing to change it.Fridays are fuckers. On the plus side it’s super casual day at the office. But…

Desire

2006-04-26T13:20:00.000-04:00

It’s often the things that we don’t have the ability to obtain that we want the most. In many cases even the appearance or just the perception of inaccessibility makes the object of desire seem so delectable.

Life, Happiness & the Pursuit of Ass

2006-04-21T08:39:00.000-04:00

At this age it is hard to know what we want; torn between being grown-ups and perusing careers, financial stability and love on one hand and just having a good time on the other. I usually size up a situation before I go plunging in. I’d like to think that, for the most part, when I start something new I sit down and decide what I want from it. That’s how it was with Mr. X. I knew what I

Drama free is the way to be.... or is it?

2006-04-19T11:35:00.000-04:00

Me - “A man wouldn’t be so bad right now….”Meg - “Yeah, but why do we want to mess this all up?”She’s right. There’s no logical reason to be wanting/needing more complications in my life right now. Things are going not so bad for the time being (knock on wood! Quick!) adding another element to the equation would just complicate everything. And by complicated of course I mean mess it up

It's important to remember that some days you're the statue

2006-04-05T10:57:00.000-04:00

It all started to go wrong when poker night turned to shit. Playing with inexperienced players is a pain as it is, but when they are being annoying and you’re losing money to buffoons then I cannot possible be happy. I lost ten dollars and just wanted to get home.The bus ride was short and the neighborhood was nice and quiet. I walk up my stairs and put the key in the door, and then it happens

Life's revenge

2006-03-23T00:30:00.000-05:00

Being a person of fairly low self-esteem, for the most part, it is quite scary to see how a little thing can make me consider offing myself. Of course by offing myself what I really mean is waste my life away by not going to class, sitting online and eating. And by not going to class I mean I go to starbucks and study but do not attend lecture.This is the shame spiral my life has become since I

WTF happened to language?

2006-03-07T13:46:00.000-05:00

I’ve run out of words as of late. There is so damn much going on that I have literally run out of out of ways to express myself. So I haven’t been. I’m sorry. Hopefully I’ll be functional again at some point.Till then...

Bad movie anyone?

2006-03-05T13:35:00.000-05:00

So the other night I went to see Ultra Violet. I heard it was bad but I figured that knowing it is awful will make it bareable. There was nothing else my friend and I could agree on seeing anyway, so we just went to see it.The first 15 min. of the movie actually seeemed to have potential. There was little or no dialouge at first and the action was hot.About halfway into the movie things got

Sleepless, as always

2006-02-01T23:13:00.000-05:00

It's 11pm and if I go to sleep right now I'll catch about 8 hours of sleep. But I know myself, this will not happen. It'll stare at the clock and watch the hours slip by one by one untill I'm lucky if I get about four hours.I have no one to blame but myself. I chose to have those two huge cups of coffee. I choose to stay up and do nothing online as the night gets darker and darker then

insert title here

2006-02-01T14:25:00.000-05:00

There are things I want to write about and things I like to keep private. I hate when they are one and the same.It's strange to think that I started this blog a little over a year ago to vent and here I am writing this right now thinking how baddly I want to share but cannot. I don't want the people who know me in the really real world to know somethings. Sometimes it is nice to have something

Thank you life, freedom and friendship

2006-01-28T12:18:00.000-05:00

Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances. --Jay LenoIt takes an american to truely understand that friendship is about those people who come through when you need them. I didn't want to go out last night. I was tired, my body hurt. Yet when One of

Beautiful Things

2006-01-25T15:47:00.000-05:00

Being severely bored with my the routine I had recently fallen into, yesterday I took a sick day at B&N, due to cramps, and took some - soon to be put up pictures - of a stunning sunset. The beach was covered in seagulls who were watching the sun slip away just as I was.The most surreal thing about the whole experience was seeing what a friend called "obvious signs of beach errosion" on

Signs of the Apocolypse

2006-01-19T12:21:00.000-05:00

It was a grey and nasty Wednesday when I pulled on my suit and headed down to Wall Street. My bag held my resume and a book, in my hand an umbrella and a light leather jacket that I was sure to get cold in was on my back. A kiss for goodluck from my grandmother and out the door I went.The interview lasted about an hour and at the end I got the internship I wanted. Watch out world, I'm starting

Definitions

2006-01-16T00:14:00.000-05:00

Sitting in my house with a friend doing absolutely nothing is peaceful. The subject of friendship itself is extremely difficult. How is one exactly supposed to define such a broad and powerful word?I've known people who use the term without any caution. These are the same people that end up inviting all their "friends" to a party and wind up with a ton of un-eaten dip.A friend is someone I can

disquiet on a saturday

2006-01-14T13:56:00.000-05:00

I'm always late for work. I'm getting comfortable with that fact, and they will eventually fire me. I've taken advantage of the discount so I guess that it's ok.It's grey today, inside and out. Feelings of malcontent and confussion abound in me. I seek peace.

i've been tagged...

2006-01-13T14:47:00.000-05:00

"The first player of this game starts with the topic Your Five Weirdest Habits and then tags five others who fill out the survey and in turn tag five others. All must clearly state these rules at the top. Go."1. This is a gross one but here goes, I like to smell my feet. When they're particularly sweaty and tired I get the most satisfaction. I don't believe they smell bad, just tired.2. I take

Children these days

2006-01-08T23:59:00.000-05:00

I'm standing at the information desk when a customer comes up to me."Do you have the 50 cent book? The autobiographical one?"The woman was about 35, white, clean cut. Why does this woman want this book!? That thought must have been all over myface when she replied, "It's for my son.""Oh.""Yeah, he's 13 and really into him.""Oh.""He's a drummer. He must like his beats."Right! Perhaps the young

Happy New Year?

2006-01-07T03:31:00.000-05:00

So the new year started off on an interesting foot.It's not that I hate my job, it's just that I don't like it very much. There is only so much butchering of the classics that one can put up with in a given time frame."Where's the Ann Frank book?""In the Judaica section.""Does she have anything newer than that one?"NO dumbasses she died. Read a damn book every now and then.But they really

another year

2005-12-31T21:10:00.000-05:00

Father Time,You have given me another year here and for that I am grateful. But I am doubly grateful for a much more important present i have recieved this year. Knowledge.I saw some more of the world, I met some amazing people that I am proud and honored to call my friends. Thank you.The end of a year usually leaves me distraught. What have I accomplished?! Well this year I learned that

2005-12-30T02:55:00.000-05:00

I can barely see straight at the end of the night, and that's just the way I like it. Backspace becomes my favorite key on the board when I get home and I cannot say that I am complaining.The bartenders have been good to me tonight.Dani hooked it up and at the other place not only was she tons of fun, but she gave me a free shot of tequila.It was also one thing to shoot messages back and forth

5 Jack & Cokes and A Ride Home

2005-12-28T03:59:00.000-05:00

A combination of alcohol and brooklyn style reminded me of you when he spoke. He spoke in a way that made me laugh and I was absorbed in his story.His friend is in the army, special forces, and he went on about it. A half hour passed in ten seconds and I laughed so hard I almost cried.He reminded me of you when we first met. Before I had the baggage I carry with me today. I miss you and wish

You don't always get what you want...

2005-12-26T18:05:00.000-05:00

Perhaps I am an asshole but a girl needs a chase. Taking things thrown at you, even if it just seems that way is just too easy.

2005-12-20T17:24:00.000-05:00

You sit and study all day while your mind races off into the realms of anger and frustration.You cannot help but be distracted by how nothing is going according to plan.Just a few weeks ago things were coming together, yet today they still haven't come together in a suitible manner.Tonight, instead of getting your easy final out of the way you're blogging.Last night instead of studying you were

It's just one of those weird things

2005-12-09T02:03:00.000-05:00

for the past few weeks I haven't felt like throwing myself off of a building. This makes me nervous. I've spent the past 22 years willing myself dead, not suddenly I'm not doing this anymore. Why is this?What has happened to make me feel more at peace with life?Where is my depression just when I got used to it?

I live throught others...

2005-12-01T01:03:00.000-05:00

So it is official, I live vicariously through these amazing people I call my friends.These people do the most amazing things and I try and tag along.I love 'em and support them.In my mind I take classes in London and Prague, i go to ritzy wall street parties, I date models, I write like a pro, I hone HTML... in reality I live the dream.In reality I hear stories and have coffee and drinks with the

I shall offer no explanations

2005-11-29T03:49:00.000-05:00

Wish FufillmentI dreamt about brushing upon those tender pillows on your faceI longed to feel your arms around me as I fell asleepTender and gentle with love I wanted this and nothing elseTonight I lie in your bed wishing to runYour arms are rough and suffocate meThose pillows above your chin are rough and coldThe morning kisses are what I dread the mostUn-brushed teeth that promise to omit the

just a weird day

2005-11-28T02:48:00.000-05:00

found out a person who always left a bad taste in my mouth is marriedgot over someonediscovered life

My sense of purpose is shat on by your smile.

2005-11-24T20:36:00.000-05:00

Before you venture to read this please consider this:disclaimerThis post has nothing to do with Thanksgiving.It may have something to do with the fact that it's cold outside, or that I've been home all week, or my coming period. These fact should not bother you in the reading of this post.I've been reading a lot lately. I read Marquez's new book, Memoires of my Melancholy Whores, and Contact to

Considering: Slitting my wrists out of boredom!

2005-11-19T01:17:00.000-05:00

So I stole that line from someone, sorry, but I really liked it! This is the second weekend in a row I worry about my social life deteriorating... Why am I home on a Friday night!? Oh wait, I remember... I felt too cheap to take car service home from Bay Ridge. Being broke is SHIT. SHIT I tell you. On the plus side cross your fingers for me kiddies, I'm going to apply to go to London. My

Winter's Comin'

2005-11-15T17:41:00.000-05:00

You can feel it in the air, you can see it in the stores, and you can see it in what people are wearing. Winter is coming at last. Everything is covered in holiday decoration. No more bright happy colors on the streets. And it gets dark really early. As always I'm getting slow and lazy with the dread of the coming cold. Question to PonderCan anyone come up with a good reason as to why there

Here's me being an ass

2005-11-08T20:22:00.000-05:00

I've been stuck in my head all day. This moodiness comes around every now and then, I start considering how this and that is all wrong and how this or that would be so much better only if....To be fair my life is great. My insecurites are HUGE and a total pain in the ass. I guess I'm a stupid teenager at 22.Or perhaps my period is coming so the tears are a-flowin'!Fucking midterms! Screw the

boredom is scary

2005-11-02T22:20:00.000-05:00

According to just about everyone, I've lost my mind. I've decided I want a nosejob. What brought this on you ask? Well I was fooling around with photoshop and decided to see what I would look like with a smaller nose. And as much as everyone I've shown the pic to says it looks like absolute shit I like it.Can someone please lend me the money?here's the pic so you know what I'm talking about

I found new reasons to get less sleep

2005-11-02T05:34:00.000-05:00

I ran home every day after school that year. I’d run to the Tv, turn on channel 5, and lie down on the floor. I’d lose myself in their lives because they felt so real. Jordan Catalano BrianneAnd AngelaMy So-Called Life was the best thing that was ever on tv and in sixth grade it was my life. I laughed. I cried. I became obsessed. And then it was gone from TV.There are DVDs, somewhere, but

WooHOO!

2005-10-27T16:16:00.000-04:00

Ok, last week was hard... on top of everything else I didn't have my computer and could not escape from reality. I bought a copy of the Tao, ala A Million Little Pieces and tried to be zen. Today it's starting to turn around. I studied.I relaxed.I got my computer back!Oh yeah! I'm back bitches.:)

Goodbye

2005-10-18T20:32:00.000-04:00

In the summer of 2001 I met a person who I ended up falling for. It didn't end wonderfully but we remained friends up until today. Leo did a lot of stupid things, but he never once could have been seen as an awful person.He died last night.He would have turned 22 in November. Leo left a permanent mark on my life, and I don't just mean the tattoo that he paid for. Leo, at his best was kind,

Book Club - Choke

2005-10-18T11:39:00.000-04:00

When you know everything is just a show, when you feel fake and the world is full of shit, it is time to pick up a book by Chuck Palahniuk. I've always been partial to Choke. From the first time I picked it up and read the first chapter, one in which the narrator begs you not to even bother reading further, I knew this book would always be on my mind. It was that kind of connection. Now I'm

Humanity = Gross!

2005-10-06T11:46:00.000-04:00

The homeless situation in New York city is sad. One constantly sees the poor, hungry, strung out masses on the street corners begging for cash and ciggarettes. You feel bad and pass them a smoke, a dime or maybe even a burger. You feel pity and you can feel their humanity as you pass them by too busy to really feel for their struggle.And then they gross you out.As I was leaving the train

Weeds, I think I love you! Showtime you totally rule!

2005-10-05T18:52:00.000-04:00

Today was marathon day. I watched all of the episodes of this wonderful show that were so kindly given to me by Dave. That's about nine hours of straight watching and loving every damn second of it! For those of you not in the know the main character is Nancy, her husband just died and to support the lifestyle that she has grown accustomed to, she sells weed in her suburbia neighborhood. That's

Doubters beware!

2005-10-05T15:05:00.000-04:00

So the celibacy continues... the junkfood issue is a lot harder though.Yesterday:Nancy's usually quiet conscience - Hey you! You need to do that diet thing a lot better! Props on the celibacy thing, good idea, focus on more important things but dude you're living in a sty, clean your damn room.Nancy - but...Nancy's usually quiet conscience - no missy, it's time! And enough crap food, you said you

I've Always Relied on the Kindness of (non)Strangers

2005-09-28T16:22:00.000-04:00

Having a five year old brother leads to many worries and revalations. My typical day in the last five or so years has consisted of at least an hour of wonder about what's the house is going to look like when I get there.It all started when I was 20 and the little one was 3. I was working late that night and was looking forward to getting home and playing with my hampster. So after a grueling

Girly Issues

2005-09-27T09:18:00.000-04:00

I want my clothes to start fitting better... so as the holidays approach I'm taking a vow of abstinence from both the physical asspect that entails in all shapes and forms and from sugar and junk food. I can do it!

I'm old

2005-09-26T20:55:00.000-04:00

It's been said that you know you're old when those cheesey commercials for bad CD's are full of music you know. I fondly remember my youth, the early 90's, as being chock full of people trying to get me to buy "80's love songs" and "Power ballads" and all the other craptastic CDs that were around in infomercials. Well today I finally saw one that dated even me. I have no idea what it was called

Commuting does indeed suck ass

2005-09-23T10:46:00.000-04:00

This semester has been all about commutes from hell.Last week on the way home from class it took two and a half hours to get home. That’s more than double the normal time. That time the B train in front of us had a brake failure at Atlantic Ave. blocking the way for all B and Q trains coming into Brooklyn. So I took the D to the N to Coney Island. 2 1/2 hours!!!Today? Well I never even made

Movies: Go see this!

2005-09-19T21:42:00.000-04:00

Lord of War is an awesome movie. The commericals make it seem interesting and possibly good with a huge element of eye candy and a great cast. It is all this and more. Jared Leto comes back to Brighton Beach and is looking as great as ever for his role as Vitaly, Nicholas Cage's brother. Mr. Cage plays Yuri Orlov, a gun smuggler. And guess what kids? They're Ukranian! That's right Russian